Sacrificed Sacrifice
by Maud Greyluck
Summary: The war had been over for a year but Harry once again sacrifices himself for greatest good. Is the price he has to pay this time too high even for him? Post DH Sirry slash. Exchange gift for Secret Sirry Santa 2008. Ch 2 is up.
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: Sacrificed Sacrifice.

**Author**: mrssniffy

**Rating**: R

**Pairings**: Harry/Sirius, Lily/James, Remus/Tonks, others – in the way it suits my story.

**Disclaimer**: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Words' count**: Total ~ 11300

**Author's notes**: Heavily AU-ised post DH world where T E H epilogue doesn't exist. A fruit of a restless plot bunny which was haring around my brain for a longer while until I got ... request which finally allowed me to catch offending animal. This is this infamous story which burned down my creativity for a while, therefore the other stories were hardly updated.

**Warnings**: Several: one, which if I give it here would destroy the element of surprise; threesome – not graphic, mentioned in passing and if you happen to blink a lot you may miss it; suicide attempt – because it suited the plot.

**Summary**: The war had been over for a year but Harry once again sacrifices himself for greatest good. Is the price he has to pay this time too high even for him?

* * *

_When I'm gone from here  
Will you wait for me  
When I'm far from here  
Will you pray for me  
Would you care for me  
If I needed hospitality  
Would you cry for me  
If I were lying in bed  
Lying in bed dying  
_

_Would you walk for me  
If I had no feet  
Would you talk for me  
If I had no speech  
Would you see for me  
If I had no sight  
Would you hear for me  
If I couldn't hear  
I couldn't hear anymore_

'_I Will Be Your Bride_' by The Kelly Family

He turned in his sleep to get more comfortable but instead of his head hitting the pillow it hit something more solid, some kind of flat surface. He opened one eye and realised that he had been there before, not very long ago and immediately he felt a little pang of disappointment.

He was, again, at King's Cross, but not this ... normal King's Cross. He was at THAT King's Cross, it meant only one thing, he had died in his sleep.

"You're not dead, Harry Potter," said the voice from behind Harry's back.

"I very much doubt so," Harry mumbled.

There was a snort and as he turned to face the source of it he nearly had a heart attack. Standing in front of him was his own self.

"You're not dead, Harry Potter," his double said as he helped Harry stood up.

"Who are you?" Harry asked quietly.

"Me?" asked Harry's double. "I'm Death."

"Death," Harry whispered. So he _was_ dead?

"How many times I have to tell you that you are not dead?" asked Death as he rolled his eyes.

"If I'm here and I'm not dead...Harry started but Death cut him off quickly.

"You are here because...." Death started but he stopped suddenly. "We shouldn't discuss important matters here, perhaps a more welcoming environment would make you feel better..."

Before he knew what had happened the room around them swirled and they found themselves in a place which looked suspiciously similar to the kitchen at the Burrow.

"Tea?" the Death asked and a cup full of tea materialised in front of him. "Or maybe you prefer coffee," a cup of coffee appeared next to the cup of tea. "Personally I prefer hot chocolate in the wee hours of the morning," he said as he sat at the table.

"Hot chocolate, please," Harry said quietly.

"Oh do sit down, Harry," said Death and he pointed at the table. "This will take some time and you standing like a scarecrow isn't going to be very good for your feet."

"What will take some time?" asked Harry as he sat down.

"Discussing responsibilities of being the Master of Death," said Death with a smile which made Harry shiver but not from cold. "First and foremost I want you to know that Death has no masters. There is only one master to whom Death serves and it is Death itself. No man and no woman has power to stop Death or to command it like it was common mongrel. However," Death glanced at Harry above his cup of hot chocolate, "there arepeople who think that they can trick Death, that they can command it. Horcruxes. Hallows."

Harry shivered.

"You were named Master of Death because you united all three Hallows and didn't hesitated to, like your mother, give your life for people you cared about. There is no sign of greatest greater? love that giving your life for someone else," Death continued his tirade.

"But..." Harry started but Death cut him off quickly.

"After all you are The Boy Who Lived and I'm..." Death paused before he said, "curious. I'm curious because I have a proposition and I really don't know how you will act. The only thing I can promise you right this moment, whether you decide to accept my proposition or walk away, is that I won't bother you again until your time comes to pass from the Realm of Living into my Kingdom.

"Do I have to decide now if I'm walking away?" asked Harry quietly.

"You can make your decision when you've heard me out," said Death simply.

Harry nodded slowly.

"You did me huge favour," said Death contently. "You brought back to my loving embrace the one who should be by my side for years. You did me huge favour and I am in your debt. There will be no tricks to fall for, no hooks to be caught on, no holes to fall into. There will be only my power and your heart's deepest desire," Death stood up. "Harry Potter with regards to Lord Voldemort's demise, who choose to linger and take upon himself being the Master of Death, I present to you the possibility of bringing back three people of your choosing into the Realm of Living. All I need is their names.

Harry hesitated for a moment. He should be walking away... he _really _should be walking away now but he wasn't. He felt as though he were drilled to the chair Death chose for him and he couldn't move even an inch. It hit him suddenly that he wasn't walking away because he didn't wanted to walk away. But whom he should bring back…? His parents? He was a big boy and he didn't need looking after. No. It was Teddy who needed parents. Not him.

"Nymphadora Tonks-Lupin and Remus Lupin," Harry said before he had the chance to change his mind.

"And the third?" Death prompted.

Whom else he could bring back? Cedric, who was the first one to fall? Sirius, whose death left him completely numb, crushed by an avalanche of overwhelming grief and guilt? Dumbledore, the man he looked up to with utmost devotion? But no, Dumbledore wouldn't want to come back. So maybe Ted Tonks who was sentenced to die only because he was Muggle-born? Snape, who until the last moment of his life had been faithful not to Voldemort or even Dumbledore but to the memory of the woman he loved dearly? Fred, who had been too young to die? Regulus, who had sacrificed his own life for his mother, the woman, who couldn't understand why the son she loved so much vanished without a trace? So many nameless, faceless people, all of them bound together by one word and one fate. Innocent but killed by Voldemort or on Voldemort's orders.

_Innocent._

They were innocent. So many people and only one name... So many children who deserved to have their parents back and only one name... To be selfish and say the name he desired the most to say now... He would never dare to look Mrs Weasley or Andromeda or anyone else in the eyes if he said that name....

"And the third?" Death repeated his question.

Harry swallowed around the lump which gathered in his throat before he whispered in a voice barely audible, even to himself, full of unshed tears, "There is no third... There is no one who deserves to be brought back more than the rest," he looked straight into Death's eyes.

"I see," said Death calmly as he stared into Harry's eyes

Harry hung his head just to not have Death's eyes, his eyes, his mother's eyes fixed on him, they were piercing him through his soul and if he kept the eye contact any longer he might break and say the name he desired to say.

"That's why Ressurection Stone doesn't work the way people wanted it to work," said Death. "Do you imagine the chaos it would cause, Harry? Dead people coming back to the Realm of Living from the Kingdom of Death like it was just a common journey one can take...." he sighed. "I know that you are lying Harry, I know that there is the name you desire to say and not saying it would only stop you from feeling guilty in front of the others."

"That person isn't worth more than the others," Harry whispered.

"Not worth?" Death asked. "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned nor hell a fury like a woman scorned, Harry. Love is funny, crazed thing. It makes us go through any lengths to save the person we care for. It makes us stand in front of a Killing Curse meant for someone else. Years ago I took a boy of your age... drowned... and out of pure curiosity I asked him why he sacrificed his life for his family to whom his sacrifice meant next to nothing... and you know what he told me? That there are things in this world worth dying for... that his life meant nothing to him but the possibility of saving his mother and only brother he loved so much, despite so many things which kept them away from each other for years, was enough for him to walk into my world with head held high."

Harry sighed as Death continued, "I've lived thousands and thousands of years and I saw different kinds of bravery... but this kind of bravery amazes me still... Unsung heroes who walk into the arena without hesitation even though they know that they passed the point from where they could return.... For some they are cowards but those are people who don't know how much strength requires to sacrifice themselves for others...."

"I know," Harry whispered.

"I know you do, Harry," said Death. "I know that you know. I know that there are not many people who would do what you have done that day in the forest.... Strength is also required in the moment when you have to decide who will live and who will die... that's strategic advice, not that you will need it..."

Harry said nothing.

"Innocents. I know your answer Harry... You want to bring innocents back but the bargain for that is very high... too high... even I don't know what it could be," said Death slowly.

Harry took a breath, then the other before he finally said, "Even if it was my life for their lives?"

Death shook his head, "I have no claim on you Harry... Your mother's sacrifice, Regulus's sacrifice and sacrifices of the others whom you wouldn't know..."

"Regulus's sacrifice?" Harry said in a soft voice.

"Yes, Regulus's sacrifice... Didn't you know that he had been born on the same day as you, just nineteen years earlier, and he died right in the same moment you had been conceived?" Death turned to Harry and upon seeing surprised look on Harry's face he added, "By the look on your face I take that you didn't know ... Actually it's a very rare thing because in moment like that part of the soul which leaves the world transpires into the soul which enters the Realm of Living... Sometimes it's a small imprint, sometimes... a bigger part of the soul... Part of Regulus's soul left an imprint on yours ... imprint deeper than the scar Voldemort gave you... You had been marked as someone who would take initial part in destroying Tom Riddle and his power... Regulus left you job he couldn't finish..."

"You mean that I share a _soul_ with him?" Harry whispered.

"No you don't.... Your souls were separated and had only one chance to meet, which was when yours was arriving at and his leaving the Realm of Living. As I said it's a rare occurrence but not impossible... Part of Regulus's soul left imprint on yours before it passed the boundary... Just like him, you were a Seeker. You are stubborn and hard to talk out of something when your mind is fixed, as was he… Not literally, not literally..."

Harry said nothing but he felt in himself that a voice he never heard before whispered, "Follow your heart... it won't fail you...." and even though he hadn't heard the voice before he had an idea who it was.

Harry said nothing for a long moment before he asked quietly, "If I decide to…?"

"I can't bring back people who don't want to come back to you?... I can't bring people who chose to linger, I want you to know itbefore you decide to do something which one day could make you wish that you hadn't done it," said Death.

"I will do it," Harry whispered.

"Are you sure?" Death asked curiously.

"I'm sure," said Harry surly.

Death smiled at him before he downed what hot chocolate remained from his cup and said, "We will meet again Harry Potter. Until then goodnight."

*

"Harry," familiar voice called from above and he felt that delicate hands were shaking his right shoulder.

"M' up," he mumbled and opened his eyes.

He expected to see Ginny bending over him but he saw nothing, just pitch blackness. He closed his eyes and opened them again. Still nothing except pure blackness.

"You won't guess what had happened," Ginny said cheerfully as he felt her sitting down next to him. "Fred came back.... You get it? Fred came back... walked through the kitchen door like it was the most natural thing in the world. He asked mum what was for breakfast... Merlin it almost gave her a heart-attack... Harry are you even listening to me?" Ginny's voice lose its cheerfulness and started sounding a bit too much like panic for Harry to like it.

"I'm listening," he said, because it was truth, he was listening to what she was saying.

"What's there Harry?" Ginny asked, it seemed to Harry that she turned her head in the direction she assumed he was looking. "I see nothing in here," she said as calmly as she could.

"So do I," Harry sighed. "I'm blind Ginny."

"No!" Ginny shot in the standing position. "It can't be... It spoils everything... It's impossible... A sick joke, tell me it is a joke.... You can't be blind..."

"I'm blind, Ginny," Harry sighed. "But I'm still me and that's all what matters... is it? I love you Ginny and I still want to marry you," he said hopefully.

"But I don't... Not like that... Not in this state..." she whispered before she disaparreted leaving Harry alone feeling like he just had a crash with Hogwarts Express on its full speed.

*

Dressing up took him more time than it usually did... at least earlier he had eyes and now he had to examine everything just to put it on in the right well. When dressing up was behind him he encountered another problem... the stairs... His bedroom was on the second to topmost landings in the house and the kitchen was very far away from it separated by so many stairs that the thought that he had to get downstairs was terrifying him.

Considering what could happen to him as he was walking down the stairs made him shudder and suddenly he wasn't hungry enough to get downstairs... and even Kreacher wasn't here to help him or bring him breakfast since he let Kreacher help Ron and Hermione in settling down in their new house – a pre-wedding gift from Hermione's parents ...

Wedding ... he and Ginny were supposed to get married by the end of August and now ...

"She left me before our wedding," Harry said at loud.

"If she did then it wasn't you she cared for," said the voice on Harry's right. It was the same voice which had told him to follow his heart during his conversation with Death.

"Regulus," Harry whispered.

"Amazing," Regulus voice sounded cheerful. "We never meet and you can recognize my voice. Let me get you down to the kitchen, there are people waiting for you there."

"Whom?" Harry asked as he stood up.

"People," said Regulus as he took his hand. "A hell broke loose after dead people reappeared ... Plus places one could appear were so bizarre that you better don't ask me where some people had ended."

"Who came back?" Harry asked carefully.

"Most of these who died during first and second war ... Dumbledore chose to linger ... Your parents and Sirius came back so did Remus and Dora and Ted ... and me ...." Regulus said.

"How are they feeling?" Harry asked timidly.

"Sirius is going to throttle you for ... playing a hero again I believe ... don't take it as a lack of appreciation from his part because he really appreciates what you done but it's you he is worried about. Your mother and father are having an argument with Molly Weasley about something I don't have a faintest idea of. Her children and husband are happy because of Fred. Andromeda is going to throttle you too but her reasoning is different than Sirius. And since there is quite commotion downstairs I decided to come and get you ... So that lot downstairs doesn't kill each other," said Regulus as they get to the ground floor.

"Why they are trying to kill each other?" Harry asked quietly.

"I have no idea but you can cut the tension in the kitchen with a blunt knife, and that's saying something," Regulus answered. "Ready to enter lion's den?" his tone changed from tired to overly cheerful.

Regulus lead him down the kitchen stairs slowly, one step at time and Harry shuddered on the thought how many different reactions he can get for what he did. He heard the kitchen door opening and they entered the kitchen.

The silence which fell after that made Harry shudder slightly. The silence was mind piercing.

"Hello everybody," Harry mumbled nervously, just to not hear this silence.

Right in the same moment when Regulus let go of Harry's hand Harry heard several gasps of his own name and before he realised what had happened he found himself in bearlike hug.

"Harry dear. Fred told us everything. You didn't had to do it ... like you didn't suffered enough," Mrs Weasley was hugging him so tightly that Harrry started having problems with breathing. "You will go to live with us of course, you and Ginny are supposed to get married and you will need help."

There was a sound of throat being cleared at loud and a voice Harry longed so much to hear said, "You know what Molly? As far as I'm concerned Harry has his parents."

_Sirius_.

"And as far as I'm concerned," Regulus said coldly, "your daughter broke the engagement. Knowing the Prewetts I wouldn't expect anything less. Now if you excuse me, I need to go to the toilet," he said and Harry heard him going up the stairs.

"That ..." Mrs Weasley started.

"Love Potion Lovers!" Regulus called from upstairs. "Say something more and I will be telling to everyone who would want to listen what had happened to Hannah Gamp after your dear mum found out that she wasn't keen to marry your uncle Edgar."

"Mean git!" Sirius called after Regulus. "But sincere mean git you have to handle him that."

"You!" Mrs Weasley hissed at Sirius.

"I'm with Regulus on that statement," Sirius muttered. "Too much time spent with paranoid father as a company and you will know everything which you need to know about Love Potions and their effects."

"So that's how every girl at Hogwarts fancied you at some point of time?" asked the man whose voice sounded exactly like James.

"He had been born with it James," said Lupin playfully before he hugged Harry and in the process shooed Mrs Weasley away from him.

After Lupin, Tonks, Andromeda and Ted managed to knock most of the air of his lungs Harry found himself in his mother's embrace.

"You were so brave," she whispered. "What you had done required more bravery than the last time. You didn't knew what you were facing and you still … Oh Harry," she sobbed.

"Let go of him," said the voice Harry didn't expected to hear, more so was totally unprepared to hear.

"Snivellus," James muttered as Lily pulled away from Harry.

"Get lost Potter. Am I the only one in this room who sees the obvious?" Snape asked icily.

"If you are seeing what I'm seeing I would very much prefer both of us to be wrong," Sirius said nervously.

"Since when you are agreeing with Snivellus, Padfoot?" James asked in surprised voice.

"Since my brother has far more trained eyes than yours are and both of them are seeing what I see," Regulus snorted, he probably managed to get back very quickly.

"So what do you see?" asked James.

"Your son is completely blind," Snape stated calmly. "A person who owns at least one brain-cell should spot it right in the moment he entered the kitchen."

"That's doesn't shows most of you in very good light," Regulus snickered. "Speaking about light, Sirius do everyone a favour and remove the vermin from our house. I'm allergic to this kind of people and I may have a hay fever if they will remain there for next minute."

"Whom you are calling vermin, you … you … Death Eater?" Mrs Weasley shrieked.

"Creativity insults weren't your strength, Molly," Snape snorted in amusement. "Or keeping your hands clean."

"Did you saw or heard what I heard?" Sirius asked calmly.

"If you are referring to that day when after order meeting I asked you to let me have a look at the library and you agreed then yes, I heard what you heard. I even expressed my doubts to Dumbledore about the point of keeping certain vermin in the order but the talk that I shouldn't judge books by the cover left me with nothing but destroying vermin's petty attempts to become upper-crust," Snape snorted.

"Then I thank you for these detentions. You have your brain and heart in the right place even if you could do with a proper bath," Sirius said briskly.

"Am I the only one who isn't getting something?" James asked nervously.

Harry heard a burst of laugh behind him, most certainly Regulus.

"I fail to see anything funny in it, Blackie," Snape muttered.

"But it is funny, my dear greasy git," Regulus snickered.

"Poodle," Snape snorted.

"Damn right," Regulus chuckled.

"Care to explain?" Sirius asked curiously.

"It is the fumes," Regulus explained with small snickers cracking the sentence. "Humidity, my dear brother. Potion making requires being in very humid rooms due to the fumes coming from the cauldron or cauldrons. Most people in humidity turn into poodles while Severus turns into greasy git. He takes two baths everyday."

"I hope that this knowledge didn't came from watching me in the bathroom," Snape snorted.

"And if it did?" Regulus chuckled. "Severus Snape you are sexy beast!"

"He is terribly afraid of spiders," Harry heard Sirius mutter in a voice so low that he was barely able to catch it.

"Thank you Black. That knowledge is going to be used well," Snape muttered back.

A second later Harry heard a yelp and sounds of someone rushing up the stairs. Something rushed past Harry.

"Don't you think that you can hide, pervert! I will find you even if I have to chase you all around the world," Snape's voice came somewhere from above Harry's head.

"So much for wanting to say, thank you for saving my hide over the years," Harry chuckled.

"You can thank him later. I never imagined that someone could turn so red," Sirius chuckled. "Speaking about red," his tone turned more sombre. "_Personas nongratas_!"

Suddenly there was a loud bang and when it died down Harry heard his father saying, "Why you kicked out the Weasleys, Padfoot?"

"Because like Regulus I have an allergy for back-stabbing, manipulative bitches who aspire to be members of the top of society and would do anything to achieve it," Sirius sneered.

"That's Snivellius's look," James snorted.

"Then it is a good thing that he and I agree that people who resort into using Love Potions are not to be trusted," Sirius snorted. "And unlike some," his tone got colder. "He had tried to do something about it instead of running away with his tail between his legs. I'm truly ashamed of you, Moony. I told you what I heard."

"Sirius I…" Remus mumbled.

"Just leave it," Sirius snarled. "Coward!"

"Don't call me a coward!" Remus snarled.

"Right, you are not a coward, you are an selfish idiot who let the bitch wrap you around her little finger with her faked kindness!" Sirius growled. "I forgot that one act of kindness can bend you to others will."

Harry had a bad feelings about it.

"Stop!" he yelled. "Stop before both of you will say something you are going to regret for the rest of your lives!"

"I regret that the man I considered friend didn't believe in the truth. It is a shame that Snape from all people believed in what I said and had done what I asked him to do," Sirius growled and he left the kitchen, slamming the door after himself.

*

Being brought to life after being dead for three years was something to what one needed to adjust and Sirius knew that. His head was still swimming with the argument he had with Remus. The same argument which they had before Sirius had died. Thankfully someone had seen past the image of Molly Weasley but Sirius preferred Moony to be the one and not Snape.

Speaking about Snape. He found greasy git seated cross-legged on the floor on the topmost landing with his eyes fixed on the door to Regulus's bedroom.

"Waiting until he comes out?" Sirius asked with a sigh.

"He may die from hunger there while I can summon food," Snape shrugged.

"Mind if I sit down?" Sirius asked and that question surprised even him.

"Twitch in the direction of the wand and you will regret it," Snape snorted.

Sirius sat down about two feet away from Snape but closer to his own bedroom than to Regulus's.

"Will the damage be permanent?" Sirius sighed.

"On your brother?" Snape shrugged. "Probably not. On your godson, I have no idea."

"He has whole life ahead of him," Sirius mumbled.

There was long moment of silence before Snape mumbled, "Do you wish him to be selfish and walk away or say the third name?"

"I wish him to be happy and live his life fully," Sirius admitted. "Being blind won't do it. I wish that there would be something which could fix it."

"He is annoying, disrespectful rule breaker, too merciful and too trusting for his own good," Snape muttered sourly.

"He wouldn't be Harry if he was anything else," Sirius chuckled.

"He needs to be loved," said Regulus from the doorway.

"So you are out?" Snape said sarcastically.

"He deserves someone who would be at his side no matter what. Someone who will be his eyes, his helping hand and yet someone who won't crush him with affection, someone who will let him walk on his own and yet be close enough to catch him if he falls," Regulus said pensively. "We all deserve it," he added and he seated himself cross-legged on the other side of the landing, opposite to the two of them.

"What?" Snape shrugged.

"Being loved," Regulus replied. "Having someone with whom we can share our happiness and sorrows. Mooning over something which we can't have won't make our lives any easier."

"Bugger off," Snape snorted.

"Exactly my point. Why you kept hanging over it?" Regulus asked.

"Unbreakable vow," Snape muttered.

"Did that love had done you something good, made you happy?" Regulus asked pointedly.

Snape said nothing.

"Then let it go. It will set you free," Regulus sighed.

"Bugger off," Snape sighed.

* * *

**Awaiting criticism - like always. I'm replying as long as you leave me your email or you log in while reviewing. Bring my ego down ;)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer**: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

* * *

Next three weeks following the 'Arrival of Deceased' as it was called by Daily Prophet passed like a blur to Harry. Certain legal matters had been cleared off and three weeks after his latest Harry had found himself in Potter Manor along with his parents and Sirius who decided to move in with the Potters.

Number 12 Grimmauld Place came back into hands of a Black, more particularly Regulus whom Harry had to talk into taking something which was rightfully his. Sirius didn't wanted anything to do with the house and he gladly spent his time with Harry in the garden at Potter's Manor. Harry found the fact that Sirius hardly left his side heart-warming (also feet warming too, since Sirius spend his time in the garden as a dog, mostly lying on Harry's feet and keeping them warm).

The Lupins and the Tonks had moved nearby, their house was on the other side of the village and Harry often accompanied Sirius to their place.

Daily routine wasn't something which Harry liked much. He hated being pampered and since he was blind his parents insisted that someone was helping him with every day stuff. Thankfully his father relatively quickly joined the Aurors and he managed to keep his mother away from the stuff which involved him naked. Sirius was a different matter altogether.

Sirius hardly left his side but his attention wasn't overwhelming to Harry unlike the attention of his parents. His parents had treated him like a complete invalid whereas Sirius did not. Sure Sirius sat in the bathroom with him, occasionally washed his back but he wasn't leading Harry anywhere by the hand. When they were walking around the grounds Sirius never held his hand like his parents did but he let Harry walk on his own, from time to time informing Harry about a hole in the road or the patch from where they should stay away.

Harry had loved these moments. They talked about everything from the landscape which Sirius was explaining to Harry in such details that Harry could practically see it in front of his eyes to politics and chances of Kingsley becoming a Minister of Magic. Harry adored the fact that Sirius wasn't treating him as invalid and he was surprised and deeply touched when Sirius had brought him a book written in Brail alphabet and helped Harry with learning how to read it. But even after Harry had learned how to read Brail Sirius didn't stopped reading books to him. There was something about Sirius's voice which made every story vivid and often it lulled Harry into sleep.

It was comforting to have Sirius and Harry didn't knew what he would have done without him.

*

Looking back in time he had no idea how it had started, he mused as he stared at the glass of Firewhiskey which Regulus had set in front of him. Regulus himself was locked upstairs in potions room together with Hermione and Snape. They were looking for the cure for Harry's blindness.

That was the real issue, Harry's blindness. In fact if Harry had full capacity of all his senses nothing bad wouldn't happen.

He suspected that it all had started innocently, with the baths, seeing Harry naked and taking advantage of Harry's sight disability. It wasn't that he meant it, he didn't, he wasn't a pervert, damn it! But few weeks of taking care of Harry let arose old feelings which he thought that he had beat out from his skull.

Four years ago he had similar problem. He was bad, bad person. But four years ago he found something to set his mind on and the problem dissolved with time or he thought so. When he had meet Harry for the first time he was truly enchanted by the boy, by his sense of right and wrong, not to mention this uncanny resemblance to both his parents. It almost made Sirius cry to see Lily and James in a perfect mix named Harry. And it was then when his heart had told him that Harry was his, his to love, his to take care of, his to protect and his to die for.

Maybe Azkaban had done something to his brain but it was resurfacing relatively slowly. By the time Voldemort had returned and the second war arose Sirius assumed that something inside him had broke down beyond repair. He knew it was okay to love Harry, to care for him, to protect him, to cherish every moment he had with him. But it wasn't okay to want Harry to kiss him like lovers do, it wasn't okay to dream of this beautiful hands to cares him and bring him pleasure. That was sick. Period.

It helped to pretend … to see Harry as James because he didn't fancied James at all. That thought had worked until the 'Incident with the Drapery'. Then was death and then … then James was back and Sirius could no longer pretend to see Harry as James.

The fact that he offered to help Harry made him sick fucker. But he couldn't resist the thought to have Harry for himself in this little moments. In moments like that he could pretend that he and Harry were together and nothing was interfering with it. The fact that Harry couldn't see him droll was comforting in its own sick way.

Except that his daydreams and fantasies hardly worked anymore. Sure he wanked, a lot, which made him feel like a twisted fucker … because he was a twisted fucker.

"I'm truly fucked up," Regulus announced and that announcement pulled Sirius out from his thoughts.

"Why?" Sirius muttered.

"I'm in love with Harry's best friend who is engaged to another man," Regulus sighed and he hit his head against the tabled. "But that isn't the worst."

"What is worse?" Sirius asked cautiously.

"That I think … of course he guards himself like you have no idea but I have several ways to know what is going around the house … Snape fell in love with her too," Regulus groaned. "That's why I feel like shit. If it wasn't for him I could try my best to woo her out of her engagement into my arms … as it is I have second thoughts," Regulus muttered.

"So you don't care about Ron Weasley?" Sirius chuckled.

"She deserves a man who doesn't treats her like life saver from too much paperwork and doesn't questions her every decision. She is a woman, she deserves to be treated like a princess, made us run at her beck and call. She should be cherished and the ground she walks on should be worshiped," Regulus said dreamily.

"Then do as you say," Sirius heard low mutter coming from the doorway. "But I have you know that I will do the same," said Snape briskly. "Let the better man win."

Sirius almost chuckled upon hearing it but he resisted the urge laugh and only had said, "Shall I fetch you some swords to let you resolve the issue like men or you are going to stick to your wands?"

"At least one of us has a chance to woo the object of our affection unlike some who will remain pining for the rest of their life for someone they can have," Snape snorted.

"I see that you already jumped from that train," Sirius replied. "Just to jump into another."

"At least the competition this time around is far more challenging than the last time," Snape replied shortly.

This time Sirius snorted.

*

Months had passed, Harry's birthday came and went shortly followed by the news from Ron that Hermione moved the date of their wedding to next year. Ron thought that she wanted to have some time to adjust to the idea of the marriage but Harry didn't thought so, not that he ever admitted it to Ron.

With his parents at work and Sirius around Harry got a chance to spend some time with Hermione, Regulus and Snape and while he was sight impaired his hearing was very good. He heard how Hermione was treated by both men, he recognised heavy flirting in the air. For some time he felt conflicted and wondered what would happen to Hermione's relationship with Ron. In the end he decided that Hermione's love life was her love life and if someone made her happy better than Ron then for the sake of their friendship he was going to be happy for her, even if she ended with Snape, or Regulus.

Snape without keeping the mask of a spy was someone whom Harry could stand around. He was witty, sarcastic but his comments lost its cruelty. The man liked challenges and Harry's disability was one of it, not to mention an excuse to spend time with Hermione. Regulus was more level-headed in character than Snape and in a way was a mix of both Sirius and Snape in character. Harry curiously wondered which man Hermione would pick.

While his relationship with Regulus and Snape had improved something started to happen with Sirius. Harry couldn't see but he recognised the sound of clicking bottles and he could practically taste something bitter in the air around Sirius. Something bad was going on but his parents didn't managed to spot that one, neither did Remus and Tonks, only Regulus, Hermione and Snape had confirmed that Sirius seemed to be in bad mood whenever he was visiting without Harry.

Sirius mostly left Harry on his own when they were at home, it wasn't that he had problems with moving around, he didn't, but he missed Sirius's comforting presence around.

It was 13th September, Wednesday to be exact. His parents were at work and Sirius decided to stay behind while Harry visited the Lupins and his godson. The visit was pleasant and Harry hardly wanted to leave them. But nevertheless he was walking down the path to his parents place humming the newest Weird Sisters' song he heard at Lupins' place.

He entered the house through the kitchen door and planned to move to the sitting-room but he hardly made three steps in the direction of the door before he had tripped on something which was laying on the floor.

He quickly picked himself up from the floor and started checking the floor with his hands to recognise on what he had tripped. The blood had chilled in his veins when he recognised a motionless leg. Merlin, Sirius. Unable to help with anything he rushed in the direction of the sitting room and to the fireplace. He firecalled the first place which had came to his mind, 12 Grimmauld Place.

It took five seconds for Regulus, Hermione and Snape to come into the house. After quick rustle of robes and few moments of silence he heard whispered by Regulus, "St Mungo's?"

*

He woke up in a room with white walls. The only light in the room was the moonlight falling through small window on the wall behind his head. He spotted a hunched figure on the chair on the right side of the bed.

"You scared the kid shitless," he heard Snape's sneer. "Hermione is with him right now, after the healers had told him that you tried to commit a suicide he broke down."

"He was the one who had found me," Sirius whispered.

"Imagine what kind of a shock it was for him, still is in fact," Snape muttered. "You are the biggest imbecile I ever saw and I had seen more than I ever wanted."

"Because I can't commit a suicide properly?" Sirius snorted.

"No, because you the most stupid way to deal with your feelings for the kid," Snape snorted. "You didn't saw him how he was after you had died for the first time. It was as if you were dealing with a talking Inferius. Do you want to cause him that pain for the second time so short after he got you back? I never really liked him, I tolerate him now because he is Hermione's friend but I would never do what you tried to do. He sacrificed his life and later his health for our world, for us and you by your stupid suicidal attempt threw that sacrifice into his face," Snape sneered.

"I don't have feelings for him," Sirius denied quickly.

"If you kept repeating it enough times you might believe it but I won't. You were delirious and to calm down the kid I had to use Legilimency on you…" Snape started sarcastically.

"Did you told him?" Sirius's heart froze in his chest as he sat up.

"It wasn't my place to tell him. It is yours place and you better tell him that," Snape sneered and he left the room.

*

Harry was sitting in his room at his parents house feeling empty. Sirius was gone. He lived through his suicide attempt but didn't came back to the Potters manor. He simply had vanished without a trace on the eve of the day when he was supposed to leave the hospital.

Without Sirius around the house lost it brightness, lost something which was making this place something which Harry could call home. Harry hardly could stand being in that house, he started to have problems with falling asleep in his own bedroom and he spent nights in Sirius's room where Sirius had left his things. His bed still smelt of him, that nice mix of fresh apples, fallen leaves and wet dog with small aroma of firewhiskey. Few days after Sirius's departure Harry started to wear Sirius old clothes just to smell his scent, just to remind himself that Sirius once had wore them. He missed Sirius's laugh, his voice, his arms around him.

Three weeks after Sirius's departure he had enough of the silence of the manor and he packed his things (which once were Sirius's things too) and he left the manor without looking back. He moved to the only place which offered him more memories of Sirius than the manor, 12 Grimmauld Place.

Regulus welcomed him with open arms and promised that he won't mention to his parents that he was living with him. He knew that Harry had chosen Sirius's old bedroom to be his own but he wisely didn't commented it.

But nothing could change that Sirius was gone and that the life had went without him.

Weeks had passed and Harry found himself thrust into preparing quick and small wedding between Hermione, Regulus and Snape. It turned out that Hermione couldn't decided which one of them she should pick and both sneaky Slytherins pulled out a book about ancient bonds which had concerned polygamy marriages. It wasn't as if they were happy about being thrust into marriage together but for the sake of the love to the same woman they had chosen to cooperate on this matter. They wanted to be with her even if they had to share her with each other.

It was hard to keep the wedding from Ron, both literally and emotionally for Harry. He really felt like a backstabbing git for helping Hermione but he knew that Ron wouldn't try to understand if Hermione told him that she is leaving him, so things had to happen without Ron.

The wedding was supposed to be really small. Snape had no living relatives. Hermione's parents were still in Australia because they decided to stay there after the war had ended. Only Regulus had few relatives. There was Andromeda and Ted and Remus, Tonks and Teddy, grudgingly (after Andromeda's statement that they seem okay enough to invite them) the Malfoys were invited to come to the wedding (Andromeda failed to mention that Snape was the other husband). Regulus also mentioned few of his classmates.

With the lack of Hermione's father Harry was supposed to walk the bride to the altar and he very much regretted not seeing her in her wedding dress. After the wedding ceremony there was a wedding party and dance.

He almost had a heart-attack when Narcissa told him that if he was on the duty of the father of the bride and he had to have a second dance with Hermione. Being blind was no excuse if he didn't wanted to cause bad luck to the bride.

The dance itself wasn't bad since Hermione was leading him around until she whirled him around and pushed him into someone's arms. Abandoning the thought that he might look stupid he decided to enjoy the dance. Whomever it was, he or she was dancing good and while they managed to remain at arms length Harry wanted more, the chance had came when the music had switched into something slower and Harry invited himself into the arms of his partner.

Being in close proximity with his partner firstly allowed Harry to recognise that it was a man (or a very flat woman), secondly smell the man's scent, a nice mix of fresh apples, fallen leaves and wet dog. His heart had twisted painfully in his chest when he recognised the scent. Sirius didn't came because if he did someone would inform Harry about it, they knew how much he missed the man.

The longer they danced the more Harry stopped caring about the appearances. He missed Sirius, badly. Not really knowing what pushed him into doing it he moved his arms around the man's neck and brought him closer. He inhaled the scent one more time, part of him berating him for being stupid while the other part of him told him that it was his only one chance to imagine how it would feel with Sirius.

Still dancing with his partner he leaned up and pressed his lips gently to the man's. His partner had stopped dancing as if he was struck by a lightening-bolt and before Harry had a chance to apologise the arms which were previously resting on his hips had wounded themselves around Harry's back, pressing their bodies even closer and he was kissed like and he was kissed hard, passionately.

* * *

**Awaiting criticism - like always. I'm replying as long as you leave me your email or you log in while reviewing. Bring my ego down ;)

* * *

**_Yes, I'm evil, thank you very much. I decided to be nice and cut the last part in two, since one part contains epilogue - so there are only two chapters left. Unless I suddenly got struck with an attack of creativity and I will write a sequel - and I feel tempted to do that. To address the problem with the errors, the story was beta read, from the beginning until the end and backwards, otherwise I would be unable to post it (and since I was posting on a Christmas feast it seemed appropriate to terrorize the poor soul who was beta reading it - don't pity her ;) she terrorized me as much as I terrorized her). So since it was beta read the only problem might be that I messed up the files on my computer, which is possible but highly unlikely since the version of the story I used is the latest before I send it to administrator (thank you W. Vista - for once you had been helpful)._


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